🍰 Pastorel’s Cake (for Humans) 🖋️🥚

For foreigners, it’s usually Romania’s music, architecture, certain famous personalities, and—most importantly—our food. Me? I’m drawn to visual arts, philosophy, and literature—interests that, let’s be honest, probably only fascinate a niche.

Today, we’re exploring a quirky mix of humor, literature, and tradition. Enter Pastorel Teodoreanu—writer, cook, and epigram master—whose hilarious little cookbook I devoured as a kid. This recipe isn’t just cake—it’s got a certain bravado, and yes, you can tell it’s written by a man in the way he tackles eggs and flour.

Pastorel’s Legendary Cake

Ingredients (makes a huuuge batch – 150 eggs worth of magic)

• Egg yolks: 150 (yep, the ones that make your arms tired from beating)
• Flour: 3.5 kg (adjust a little depending on dryness – flour is moody)
• Milk: 1 L
• Yeast: 15 g (half a standard packet)
• Salt: 15 ml (about 3 tsp)
• Sugar: 1.2 kg (sweet like your grandma’s love)
• Butter: 450–500 g, melted (plus a little extra to sneak in your taste buds)
• Olive oil: 150 ml
• White rum: 200 ml (because grown-ups deserve it)
• Vanilla bean: 1, finely chopped
• Optional: egg whites for fluff (if you feel fancy)

Note: This is enough for a small army or a giant’s birthday party.

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Step 1: Egg Prep (Night Before)

1. Separate yolks from whites.
2. Put yolks in a clean bowl, sprinkle salt, stir, cover, and refrigerate overnight.
3. Egg whites? Free rein. Whip, ignore, or feed to the cat.

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Step 2: Flour Paste

1. Take 500 g flour and scald it with 250 ml boiling milk (careful, it’s hot!)
2. Stir vigorously with a wooden spoon until smooth, lump-free, and pasty.
3. Let it cool until you can dip a finger without screaming.

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Step 3: Yeast Activation

1. Crush 15 g yeast into a small bowl.
2. Rub it with 2–3 tbsp sugar until it looks like coffee with milk.
3. Mix into the cooled flour paste, cover, and leave in a warm spot to wake up (about 30–45 min).

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Step 4: Dough Time

1. Mix the risen flour/yeast paste into the yolks.
2. Add rum and vanilla, beat like it owes you money.
3. Start adding remaining flour slowly, mixing constantly.
4. Knead with hands until soft, stretchy, and kind of hypnotic.
5. Slowly fold in sugar, then butter, then olive oil — always in one direction (trust the tradition).

Tip: If dough sticks too much, add tiny flour handfuls — like sprinkling magic fairy dust.

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Step 5: First Rise

1. Put dough in a warm, cozy bowl.
2. Cover with a towel and let it rise 2–3 hours, until it looks proud and puffy.

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Step 6: Shaping & Second Rise

1. Grease your molds generously (1/3 full with melted butter).
2. Transfer dough to molds.
3. Cover, let rise ~1 hour until it fills the mold like it owns the place.
4. Preheat oven to 170°C / 340°F.

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Step 7: Bake It Like a Pro

1. Brush tops with beaten egg.
2. Sprinkle sugar or almonds like confetti.
3. Bake 60–75 min. Check by tilting or tapping: it should sound hollow.
4. If browning too fast, cover loosely with foil (we don’t want a burnt crown).

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Step 8: Cooling & Respect

1. Remove from oven, shake gently to hear the hollowness.
2. Lay on the side briefly, then gently upright on a soft surface.
3. Wrap individually in parchment + towel after completely cooled.
4. Wait patiently — this cake keeps well 3–4 weeks (if it lasts that long).

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Extra Tips

• Beat eggs with a smile. It actually helps.
• Kneading is therapy. Consider it life coaching for your arms.
• If the cake smells amazing, it’s not done yet — it’s a warning to eat responsibly.

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